MUSIC PAINTING - Glocal Sound - Matteo Negrin

*** nice video that i wish to share here, nothing to do with my post below though***

recently had been caught in a lot of dilemmas...
a lot of changes coming up in my life. for better or for worse,
life will neva be the same again for me.

im not sure bout others, seems to me it's easier for them to
make a decision/ make a change when they believe it's time to do so.
(or it could be my selective abstraction in observing these)
but for me. it's always tough.
and it's gettin harder and harder for me to choose a path.

i've lost a lotsa confidence in me.
lost:
-the strength to believe in my own judgement.
-the strength to withstand bystander's opinions and assumptions
-the strength to take risk, to TRY and WAIT and SEE ( and/or TRY AGAIN)
-the strength to LET GO of unpick options..

i think the biggest problem in making a decision for me,
is to know that whateva i pick, there's another thing that i have to let go.
knowing that devastates me,
especially when we can never be sure where the option we chose might leads us to.
and we'll never know.

I NEED TO FIND MYSELF BACK AGAIN!
I DONT GIVE A DAMN IF PPL TEL ME AGAIN THAT I OVERESTIMATED MYSELF,
OR SAID ANYTHING THAT PULLS ME DOWN AGAIN
(which had been eating out my self esteem since then, oh no, not now, not anymore)
i want to have my vanity back, and some sense of insanity too!!
26 years of living : i found that no matter what you do, or what you dont do,
people stil have something to say bout you. so to hell kepochiss.
they just wipe their ass off after hurting you and there you are,
left wounded and shrunken like a tiny lil mimosa, CLOSING UP yaself.


ohya bout the ppl i've met in 2010.

negative ppl:
- selfish leeches (those who comes to you when they needs you. and vanishes when they dont and uses ppl only for their own benefit.. yucksss)
-pretentious ( those who pretend to be like an innocent sweet angel but kiss my ass, her real self disgusts me a lot. but im glad, i wil soon say bye bye to ppl like YOU, oh you have the aforementioned characteristic too, congratulations)
-self defeating ones ( im one of them. lost before the battle. low low self-worth... fml)

positive ppl:
-determined and visionary ( one that not only dreams but also execute their plans
-positive, vibrant and charming ( some guys and gals that i salute a lot)
-happy and energetic ( high levels of energy and always seems ready for challenges and chances!)
-friendly and genuine ( maintaing positive energy with the social system, gives and takes with sincerity)
-the go-ers ( believe in self and do whateva they believed in, even sometimes in the costs of other's disapproval and discouragement)

GUESS i have many role models for my inspiration!
2011. i wanna be a better person.
physically,
psychologically,
mentally,
socially,
wholely,
constructively,
positively!




p/s i've made a list of tasks that i need to do:
some new year's resolution perhaps. **coming up in next post**
(oh. speaking about last year's resolution, i think out of so many of them,
i've only achieved ONE, Shame on me, Caren :(

anyway. wil sum up last year's ups and downs, in my next post too, so see ya'al

interesting post (cut & paste from facebook)

this is a post i copied from fb. 

i dont usually 'plagarize' other ppl's work but this article inspires me a lot, 

and hopefully to my fellow counselling students,

换了你，你会杀了谁？（启发很大）

by Vin Zai Zai on Monday, November 29, 2010 at 10:48am

朋友拿了一份报纸要我作个实验，我同意了。

问题一：如果你知道一个女人怀孕了，她已经生了8个小孩子了，其中有3个耳朵聋，2个眼睛瞎，一个智能不足，而这个女人自己又有梅毒，请问，你会建议她堕胎吗？

我刚要回答，朋友制止了我，又问我第二个问题。

问题二：现在要选举一名领袖，而你这一票很关键，下面是关于3个候选人的的一些事实：

候选人A：跟一些不诚实的政客有往来，而且会星象占卜学。他有婚外情，是一个老烟枪，每天喝8到10杯的马丁尼。

候选人B：他过去有过2次被解雇的记录，睡觉睡到中午才起来，大学时吸鸦片，而且每天傍晚会喝一大夸特威士忌。

候选人C：他是一位受勋的战争英雄，素食主义者，不抽烟，只偶尔喝一点啤酒。从没有发生婚外情。

请问你会在这些候选人中选择谁？

我把答案写在纸上，然后朋友告诉我：

候选人A是富兰克林罗斯福，候选人B是温斯顿丘吉尔，候选人C是亚道夫希特勒。

我听了答案张大了嘴巴。朋友问我你是不是为人们选择了希特勒？那你会建议哪个妇女去堕胎吗？

我说：这个问题不用考虑，我们受优生优育教育多年了，都生那么多歪瓜劣枣了，就别在添乱了。我建议她去堕胎。

朋友告诉我：你杀了贝多芬，她是贝多芬的母亲。

我又一次张大了嘴巴。朋友说：吓一跳吧？本来以为你认为很好的答案，结果却扼杀了贝多芬，创造了希特勒？

最后的总结是：所以不要用既定的价值观来思考事物！ 

Yashi-No-Mi

sneaked out with jingyen and yun the other day to Pavi for Jap food.

This was supposed to be our ladies-out but then we met another member @esprit pavillion, name:

Datin Kenneth. after tellin him that we're going for jap food, he suggested this place ( the jap cafe/restaurant which we planned to go at the 1st place) 

>> a Japanese Cafe located in Wisma Cosway just besides Pavillion.

Yashi-no-Mi

i forgot why they did this but it's cute to see both of them doing something silly

i was bit shy/scared to take photos as i stereotyped japanese as being fierce and that i have to follow to imaginary rules ( oh, one of my cognitive distortions  again, arbitrary inferences)

 this restaurant is run by "original" jap. thus there's something special about the vibe here. * but they played bsb songs instead of jap songs, such a killjoy*

dint know that there's this cozy warm lil place in Malaysia, well i dont feel like im in Malaysia when i was in this restaurant. 

 despite the small humble size of the restaurant, it's very popular among jap expats who worked here, i was told that they'd come to enjoy drinks/sake/sochu after their work. we saw about 8-10 of them sitting at the table next to us. ( the gals told me there's a handsome one right beside me i was too terrified to even turn my head to look at em)

As a sushi fanatic, i was shocked to know that they do not serve sushi here in this JAP RESTAURANT.
how come????  never mind, i'll order something else (hmmmpppffff... bu4-gan1-yuan4)

cute original japanese menu, written in japanese language ( which we dont understand) so i can only order by looking at the scarce pictures and their respective prices

kenneth said the jap love to have this "natto" to go along with their beer.
well to us, ladies " err... it tastes..........'unique' " till i dont know how to describe.

Spagetti served in Mentaiko sauce  *loves their potato salad!*

food here is not bad, but i enjoyed more in the environment plus company of great friends, another day worth spending.
*cos we impulsively headed to @live at sunway pyramid that night  :D teeheehee, photos soon!

I

HomeTown Steamboat

one fine evening, i suddenly craves for crab ( er.. i mean, as always la. ) thus suggested to have steamboat near my place @ setapak. Yao agreed *hurray* still, i dont think he understands how much i love eating crabs *Moans in pleasure**

'must-order' in steamboat

i love their refreshing sea coconut-longan drink :) not too sweet, great for quenching thirst after ya sinful tomyam soup

 Anyway im gonna skip thru all the boring meatballs/fishballs/U.F.Os/veges/prawns/etc

and talk about the main highlight ---->    drum rolls ***************

YB Crab!

after tossing the crab into nothing but zee tasty soup (clear, not tomyam as tomyam soup will override the original flavos of the crab), the soup becomes sweeter in taste, excellent for cookin ya bihun/yeemee/egg as the finale.

the al-mighty juicy scrumptious Cheliped (my fav part of the crab) !! yao gave this to me because it's larger! 

as compared to  his --> pathetically small. after swallow also bo-ra-sa!

OH MY OH MY (i ate this very very slowly, savoring every bites! the flesh is so TMD fresh. i can die right now


on the side note: the weather is just purrfect for steamboat
abit chilly chilly, and it was 7pm like that... not so crowded



a diagram for those who doesnt know how to eat a crab (pity you)

do you think i eva have the chance to taste this in my life???   *PRAY HARD***

Pho HoA vietnamese cuisine

im so hungry now, gonna post some long overdue photos to visually satisfy my cravings.

how cruel.. but my thigh is gettin bigger each second, i cant afford to take in more sinful delicacies.  T-T

i have so many photos of him lookin at the menuS.

just in case you wanna know where it is

he is forever shy, shawn, The Brada!

not my best pic. i look old in this, (tired and super duper hungry fttmax)

yao's beef Pho Tai,
  i love beef but i've promised  GuanYinMa in Krabi that i wont take beef anymore, hoping that she would love me more and more...

loads of greens  *MAX Love*

sharing this with didi, vermicelli bowl/ Bun Thit Nuong Cha Gio ( as if you know how to pronoune *roll-eye*) 

this is superduperorgasmicsinfullydeliciouxtothemaxo.m.g.
Cream Blended Avocado with ice cream and nata de coco.

my FaV > the avocado dessert mentioned above, every drops of it sent me to heaven!

black is back!

omg this is ancient:

so i was so bored of myself and life and my washed-out looks on the photos, i made a MEGA decision!

desperately in need of a change!!

cut my hair? (brilliant idea but i've got no balls, unlike sis charlene who cruelly chopped off her hair above shoulder length, she looks great and dolly in it.. but i just ...err..... =.=)

perm it? straighten it? (ARGGGHHH.... again?? )

or maybe...

...a change of COLOUR**

@ my favourite hair saloon near wangsa maju. 

I dig their nostalgic, vintage style...  :) suits my taste very much.. 

so i've decided to dye it BLACK... but the stylist refused to (haha.. he just want me to consider and reconsider because once i dye it black, it would be difficult to have lighter color for years.. thus after taking looonnnnnggggg careful consideration, he forced adviced me not to choose black, but the darkest brown which he then mixed with a hint of purple and red to make it look more "mohagany".

pictures to replace my wordy description >>

 ***before***

 and ***after*** 

(OKAY, i know biting my lips doesnt make me look sexier but my nostrils bigger..)

the colour turns out to be very nice at 1st. 

plus, i feels so different and fresh with dark hair.

younger, sexier *ahem* and more mysterious (not that im as such but it gives an illusion of these)!

some of the mAnY pHotOs i took after changing my hair colour.

*TRIES HARD TO LOOK LIKE A BOMBSHELL BUT FAILED*

*WITH MY WORK ATTIRE* (Seldom wear like this to class anyway, always t-shirt/black blouse/black trousers/jeans that spells 'b-o-r-i-n-g'

*in His car, otw back from JB -> KL* (black looks good with my turqoise tees) ( oh i must highlight this, the red plastic bag on the bottom right corner contains fried durian which is OMG-uber-orgasmic-yummy-licious. one bite and you'll be on heaven)

*in mama's room @ subang house* pardon the poor quality of photo taken by my 'pari-ah' hp. perhaps i should get sponsored a decent camera or a new phone with a decent camera?

all of these dint last long though, right after a month, the colours faded and it appears brown-ish (boring) again. imma crazy, rushed back to the saloon and ask them to dye my hair again... ** sylist shoke head**  they tried to stop me again (for my own good) but then my id gets stronger than the superego and VOILA! my ultimate BLACK-ISH BLACK hair    (which photos couldnt justify!)

 love my hair now but really need to maintain it as the roots got very very very very dry after multiple chemical traumas.....  (in-saloon treatments are all so expensive T-T )   $$$$$$$$$$$$$




so, what do you think? sui bo? chanteek bo???????

********************************

Oh yea, gonna blog about daddy's new love very very soon 

*this is the dog i wanna have in near future, name: GUCCI!*

doesnt matter what you think, I adore the COLOUR!

** i know the photo below is irrelevant, i just wanna show you how shiny my hair can be**

note: bottom left corner is MWA!

*photo taken : the datins' night out @ g6 (blog post coming soon)

this one *  

nothingness

my.life.is.dry.dry.dry

ny ways.. simple pleasures gained from doing nothing.

alright .. except taking vain photos of myself on bed:)

~~Dolce fa niente...~~

happiness of doing absolutely nothing or live a day without an exact purpose

randomzzzz

not in the mood to write so this post should be a phlog instead of blog.

its like you have a lot of leftovers in the fridge and it feels so wasted if you were to throw it all away, thus frying everything together... goreng goreng

1. durian feast! near our house --with char char, win win and yao yao (geli~), not much photos taken nyways cos we're busy eating.

like heaven!!

2. lunch with brother christopher after his violin class

his 1st time trying Nandos, and he LOVE it! (both of us often have the same taste, nature? or nurture?) he's growing up too fast dy! his height spurts!!! soon he will be taller than me.

still remember takin care of him when he's still that tiny lil baby... awwww... ( reminds me that i aged too)
look alike bo?
3. oki... some vain moments (camwhorin using my mac book. as you can see there're many others camwhorin pictures there)

-m experimenting with eyeshadow. guess i'll neva use eyeshadow correctly.

4. you have to love my earrings! blue dream catcher? :)

5. went to find a friend at his saloon to do my hair. wanted to chop it all at 1st, but after his advice ( and my reluctant), we both agreed that long hair suits me betta. so he just help me do some relaxin to prevent frizzy hairs..

char char went together with me too, she cut/dyed/permed her hair. :) and i love her new look!

both edwin and yao joined us later for dinner at U Village. (hong kong-style restaurant)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

wish to blog more often as i have piles and piles of photos in my mac (some in yao's phone T-T)

can do me a favor? pls simply click on the advertisement beside thank you! *wont cost you a cent :)

thanks! bye and take care , more to come!