dayz @ work zzzzzzzzz

"stil-unfortunate-2nd-day-of-work

so my second day aint any luckier than the 1st.
i was locked from outside of my office in the morning.. haha
luckily one of my colleague had class early in the morning,
( cos most of them have class in the afternoon)..
my saviour, Mr. Bala came early and found that the door is locked from outside
becos i dont know that i should place the padlock inside the room instead of leaving it outside
hmm.. learn something new today.
but silly me.. haih.

so i was briefed by Dr. Cecillia again about my job scope.
i was assigned to take 2 papers next semester..
I.O.Psychology and Theories of Counselling :)
im alright and would be happy to take charge of the task given:)
but ..
it's not as easy as anyone would imagine it to be.
it involves planning the course structure,
setting final examinations question,
deciding what courseworks should be given to students that semester.
how to allocate the marks.
tutorial questions... and every tedious planning should be jotted down and presented
..before the semester starts.
i need to mark exam papers.. as well as invigilate about 8examinations too!!
apart from that.
i need to take charge of certain co-curiculum activities.. etc.

haha.

as for now..
i would be warming up myself by tutoring some classes..
and the subject would be one of my fav psy field--- developmental psy.
nice nice

but.
im also nervous.
really nervous.

so basically this week i will be following Mr. Bala to learn more
by being a naive observer on how he handle the class.
i know i was a student too, but different institution different culture mah..
so i treasure all his guidance and support..
well, he is a very nice, kind hearted man :)
as he generously helped me out in many things ..
till i also feel so paiseh~ cos he is also damn damn busy de

wel, when i was to go back home ..
i realized that when i last left the office with Mr. Bala, i forgot to bring along my keys.
so now when Bala left.. and im about to go back to the office to grab my belongings before heading home...
i have no keys to open that stupid office door.
..feel like wanna cry.

i rushed back to Dr. Cecillia's room hopin that she's stil around and
would kindly lend me her set of keys for me to open that stupid door.
but ..she's not there, she too, went home liao...
damn
haih..
i really dont wanna make this into a big issue,
when u're new in an organization,
the only thing that u wish
is to minimize faults or avoid any mistakes.. etc.
especially those small small careless silly stupid mistakes..
damn damn damn
i really dont want them to think that im so clumsy and careless.

so.. i met with Ms. Serena, secretary of Dr. Cecillia.. and she pass me a set of keys
which she think it "MIGHT" be the key of the room.. BUT.. she say she's really not sure..
i just need to try my luck.

so.. sweating.. and pantin... i reach back to the office.. praying so hard...
hopin that the keys would be able to open the fucking stupid door.
but hey...
out of my suprise.. the door is NOT LOCKEd?
oh... someone inside...
another colleague of mine also went back to the office cos she left something important..
haha.. so..i managed to get in lo..
end of story lo

hmm... tonight my dear dear housemate yunyun ( i used this lilac colour becos lately she's so into this shade!!) will cook dinner for us !!
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just love home-cooked food..
thanks yunyun..
muackkkkkkkkkkks.

ohya..
one of the VIPs of our house, Mr. Willy also came
wow... the egg-tofu-dunno-what-thing he made is just just AWESOME..
really..
i dont know how to describe it.. but it's really nice..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
3rd day of work


it's my pleasure to accompany my immediate superior, Dr. Cecilia,
to a trainin session conducted by Shruffreid, (a computerized psychometric system developed by the Shruffried Family, a vienna originated company), in colaboration with UIAM ( university islam .. duno what liao.

the venue is in gombak, very near to genting highlands..
the university is............. WOW..
and i only got one word to describe it.. WOW

haha.. maybe because they have more budget thingy so their campus is like..
WOW..
for those who ever been there, im sure u know what im talking about.
for those who never been there, i describe using words also no use... haih. cos it's far more better than u can ever imagin.

the environment is tranquil.. serene.. elegant... abit palace like..
hmm.. got some middle-east type of flavor..

so.. Dr. Cecilia wish to buy some psychometric test on behalf of the college for our psychology department.
do you know how much a simple personality test costs?
about..if not more than rm 10,000..
just for one simple test using the computerized system
..
and i heard that university had bought all of it.. (more than 80 tests)
damn..

haih..
Dr. Cecillia brought me along and meet many many other ppl..
lecturers. professor... etc.
haih..
i felt inconfidence though i act confidence.
cos deep inside me .. i felt so insufficient.. so much things that i dont know..
and many many things for me to learn
..
when they ask about.. so.. what did your Uni have for the counselling lab? and psychometric tests?... " err.. UTAR... "

haha..


then i met with another Dr. who was Ms. Hasmiza's lecturer... (Ms. Hasmiza is one of my fav lecturer..)and Dr. Cecillia also chat about her at that moment..
then only i realized she was working with tar college as well, under Dr. Cecillia. She mentioned that Ms. Hasmiza was a very dedicated lecturer.. very serious in completing her tasks and a very responsible subordinate.. wow.
that Dr. ( which i forgot her name... duh. im not good at remembering names)
also stated that she is one of her students who is passionate in her studies and work.
wow..
salute!!
proud of her... (not much thing from my uni which i can feel proud of de)

so after the training session... we had a light lunch and headed back to college.
Dr. Cecilia suggest that i could start learning more about this psychometric test.. thingy so that i can teach students.. and probably the college would sponsor me to UK to take postgrad degree.. WOW.. .. my dreams of studyin in overseas wor... BUT it's out of my field of interest wor... cos im aiming at either child psy or clinical psychology..
haha.. kiv la..

ohya.. the most important thing is..
the trainer, by the name of Gerald Shruffried.. ( the 3rd generation of the founder of this system) he is from austria..
DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMN HANDSOME i tel you..
really..
wow..
charming looks. that killing smile. when i shake hands with him, his sincere greetings...
attractive eyes and facial features.. wow.
but shit, his austrian accent is annoying. haha..
but anyway..
he did keep me "focused" in that training session for about 4-5 hours, without any complaints..

back to college.. attended some tiring classes and headed home.
damn.. my shoes are burning the balls of my feet.
so damn painful
and my bag.
@#$#&^$$*$$%$!*%% i really really fuckin needing to buy a proper bag and proper pair of shoes to work..........Damn

ohya... today yunyun cooked again :)
feels so "bahagia-nya"
:) got soup too leh.. haih..
shall we hire her to cook for dinner everyday?
so she wont need to go find jobs..
haha.. if we pay 300 per pax monthly.. her income would be attactive!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

4th day of work

today is like hell .. haha nola. not that serious:)
just that i followed Mr. Bala to his class.. 3 classes in a row.. damn without break
and it's altogether 6 hours.... 6 hours ar.........
usually when i was a student, i either enter class half hour late.. or i talk non stop in class..
but in his class. i need to take care of my image in front of the students.
hence.. even if i want to yawn also i suppress it gao-gao.. haih..
6 hours is killing me..
especially all 3 classes is tutorials of different group.. that means
he repeated every single thing in the 1st class to the 2nd and then to the 3rd class..
serious..
including the examples he used..
the jokes he told..
all 3 classes the same.....
i feels like i've been watching same movie for 3 times.... in a row.... without any breaks...
(cos 1 class=2 hours.. 1 movie= approxiamtely 2 hours)..

haih. i skipped my lunch again today.
so you wont be surprise to see me slim down next time when u meet me..
haha.. good news for me in some way.

anyway, Mr. Bala is kind enough to drive me back to wangsa-maju lrt station.
but i really really paiseh la.. cos since the 1st day of work i've been troubling him at ALL TIMES..
he shared with me some experience when he was pursuing his master
in somewhere near New Orleans..arww.... so damn shuang..:)
.............
...
..
....
......
...................................
tonight yunyun cook again.. damn.... so nice leh..
the coca-cola chicken.. i must tell you this... it's more than finger-licking good..
i bet even if the chicken falls on table also... it's table-licking good!!
and the lady's finger.... and soup... and the tofu thingy..
arwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww,,
hug u tight tight.. and muax muax muax muax muax..
wish u will cook again soon ^^

1st day @ work

before i talk about today, lets begin with a tad of special events that happened yesterday.

so my big mouth somehow promised yaoyao that i will accompany him doin the "fish spa -thingy" in jusco alpha angle... so .. a promise remains a promise and there i headed to the"mini pond" where thousands of those dunno-what-name-they-called- fish" ...

basically it works like this,

the fish gonna bite the dead skin off your feet, revealin soft , smooth, and healthy skin on the feet. and the suction of the fish bites would actually promotes micro massage to enhance blood circulation and whatsoever shit.



so i put my feet in.

and before i reach the water surface,

i pulled my feet out again.



i was scared



then. after taking some breath,

i put my feet in again,

this time feeling the sensation of those yucky fish bites.

geli~~~~~``````

then i scream..............like hell



and i scream.........



and i continue screaming









.............



and i pull my leg out again..







this time, swearing that i must overcome this phobia,

i put my legs in again... reluctantly.

..........

......

..

.........

............. T-T and tears drop.







so yaoyao ask me to stop ... haha..

and i was so damn embarrass cos ther were other ppl there too la..

luckily all malays.. means.. they might not know me.. and would not know me in future.

yea.. i said might ma..





alright ..end of horror story.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



so tis's my 1st day @ work



woke up damn early in the morning.

cold cold morning .. cant really leave my bed..

sunrise's always tat awesome here in my condo.. damn luvvvvv it



dressed up then ate some sandwiches yaoyao prepared:)

shit..

i got many things to bring...

but my bag isn big enough

damn damn damn..



took public bus to the college.. together with many of my future students. haha





alright.. i'll skip all the "feels-like-1st-day-of-school-nervousness"

and go straight to where i reported myself--- HR office

i was welcomed by ms. Saw..

signed some documents..

listen to her briefing on the departments and the hierarchy of committee members

listening to names of those vvips, vips, head head.. tail tail.. and lecturers.. etc..



she also brief about drug abuse issues... etc.. ( stimulants such as caffeine count?? haha.. jk)

and we chat alot about my work.. some upcoming events..

opportunities for me to further studies etc.

and we also discussed about make-ups and our relationship matters.. haha.. so professional!!

she then introduced me to the other staffs in that department..

to be honest. i cant even remember their faces, and so many names..

it's just left-ear-in-right-ear-out.



after one hour with ms. Saw..

i head straight to Dr. Cecilia, which is the head of division of my "school"

---school of humanities and social sciences

well... she's abit busy.. heading to meetings and classes..

so she introduced me to the office and my seat...

it's a large large table with a moderate size shelf...not bad.. just abit dusty and dirty.

thus i wipe it with some tissue papers plus water..

but it's dirty still.

abit sticky to touch.. yuucckks~~~



Dr. Cecilia also pass me the key of the office and expect me to duplicate it before 2pm

haha. outside the campus.





so.... i went to wangsa-maju (as she recommended)

(a wicked grin carved on my face.. haha. cos that's where i live)

and duplicate the keys..

really.



alright alright... i confess... during the process, i shopped for a while in watson, went back home to pee, and have a cup of soya milk as lunch. and yes i bought a pack of wet wipes (for my sticky table)





and so i reach back to tarc in 12.00pm

cos my colleauge- the other lecturer that i would work closely with in future, Mr. Bala,

(his name sounds familiar, isn it?)

invited me to listen to his lecture so i can warm up and learn something before i start my own classes...



so the table is then finally clean... and i made myself comfortable siting there... facing straight towards the air-conditioner.

Mr. Bala keeps smilling at me while i was wiping the table, drawers, shelves.. etc

" dont worry, Mr. Bala, it's not becasue of OCD (obsessive-compulsive dis)" i said. haha....





so i accompanied him to the other blocks for the following lecture..

damn .. it's so far.

and the hall... is so so so so so damn fuckin spacious.

i mean WOW!!! look at the ceiling so tall.. feels so touching..

all the while, studying in UTAR is like studying in a tuition centre.. haha.. just a few blocks which is closely situated besides one another.. there's no campus.. no field.. no basketball court.. no nothing..





but here..

look at their hall..

haih. so damn wishing that im stil a student here.. haih...

this is my 1st day @ work yet... i startin to miss my life as a student!!!!!!





and when the lecture's about to start.. suddenly, the electricity is down.

so ... Mr. Bala dint really start lecturing..

instead he discussed with some students in front about their assignment stuffs and etc..

so others are either sleeping or chit-chating.



and me, siting behind, is like an alien to them.

haha.. over-age coursemate?



about 1 hour later, the electricity is back to normal..

while the laptop of Mr. Bala turns abnormal now.



haha.. so the whole class wait and wait again





and when everythin's fine..

the rain starts to pour..

HEAVILY







and you know what.

my 1st day of work, im drenched from head to toe.

al WET







it's not that i dint bring the umbrella or what..

just that the rain is too heavy, and those muddy yellow water flows like a small stream ,

my heels are wet too..

damn... i think i look sexy right now. ^^

so.. let's skip the " freeze-in-the-office-because-my-seat-is-right-infront-of-the-air-cond-remember?"



alright. that's not the point.

the most important thing is ...

My first day of work= a day with consecutively filled with unfortunate events.



Mr. Bala looked at me and ask.. " what's wrong with today har?"

haha....





so after the class, Mr. Bala went home. so i decided to went home early too!!.. haha

cos nothing much to do:)

ohya... before ending this terrible day..

i've got one more thing to say.

when i was ironing the clothes just now to prepare for tomorrow's attire,

i burn a hole on one of my favourite dress...

now i have one dress less for my working attire. DAMNDAMNDAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what a day~

$$$$$$$$$$$$

recieved a call from tar-college last friday.

my application for the job has been accepted.


yea. i 've been waiting for this for so long:)

so either i wil start my work on 14th of july or 4th of august..
hmm. better start earlier.. cos..
im broke

hmm.. the pay is actually ..a lil below my expectation.. but,
aiyah.. my expectation been always so high de la.
plus my experience=0 so i better la-la-seng take the offer lo.

and i was too bored at home.
need to start work liao..
if not my room + table + myself will be covered by dust and spider webs!!


hmm..
lil bit nervous.
dunno why.
feels inadequate.




talking about being broke.
let me show you my "tight tight budget for this july and next august.


july


medical checkup rm 200 (dunno why i have to pay for this, supposingly is paid by
company mer ho? dunno la.. adui)

open maybank acc rm 200 (not sure bout this, estimate only la.)
food and transport rm 300 (yesh.. diet mah....haih i duwana further elaborate. just let
me know if you wanna belanja, can suppport a bit of my
living..

rental rm 250 (wat2do? i love this place so damn much..)
digi prepaid rm 30
contact lenses rm 100
---------------------------------------------------
total rm 1080




August


that damn convo gown (1st time pink looks so ugly) rm 500
shit utar earning our money on the certificates rm 200 (if they collect rm100 from
each students.. 3000
graduates will donate
about rm300,000 to the uni!!!!!!
Expressive therapy module 4 + transport + meals rm 900
food for august (without sakae sushi and nandos ) rm 450
transport rm 50
rental rm 250
-----------------------------------------------------------------
freaking total rm2300










that means:
my expenses for these 2 months would be a sum of rm 3380
without shoppin leh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how to survive oh... fuck

and my monthly salary minus those stupid epf stuffs like that would never be enough to cover my expenses!!!!!!!!!!

and if i were to start working in august.............................means die immediately
if they would let me start working in mid july..............means can struggle 1st abut only die....










damn damn damn




one more thing.... i found that ..
i dun have proper cloths to wear to work..
maybe i just have 2-3 sets which is appropriate.

damn damn damn...
told ya i should shop more.

and bye bye to the bag in my wish list from bonita.. i'll keep u forever in my mind



dear friends whom i owe a starbucks each...
sad to say we have to wait till september liao....sighsighsigh T-T
but dont worry.
a promise is a promise.!!
i'll be glad to have my fav cup together with ya all.. really!!!




so..
the donation hotline would be...
* of course my mobile number

u can mail ya check to my address too!!!!




wish me luck la...
kena go and buy 4 D liao... damn damn damn damn

letting go

it's been about 2 years we're together.
we love each other deeply. and stil do:) i talked to you that night. many things that was previously deep inside..
the next day. we talked about letting go.
i stil love your smile. warm hug of yours.
the way u care and pampered me
your eyes ya naggin about
"can you pls take off your contact lenses after a long day of wearing it?
your tenderness your strength your faith.
the way u kiss my forehead each night before i went to bed.
the soft whisper near my ears breakfast
with eggs with broken yolks, sandwiches, hotdogs,
serving hot for me every morning prepared by you
times that u've accompanied me through everything i do
u travelled with me. detouring.
things u've bought for me
even when u can have it for you own expenditure stuffs that u did secretly in aiding me..
etc. .. .
......... ........
.......... ..........
.....
your loyalty
the beauty in me that you've always sees..
patience through all my mistakes and dispositions
capacity for my harsh rude words and criticism..
etc.


who says letting go is easy?


but

darl,

i need time to grow.
i need space to grow.
it's been a long while i havent really "live" my own life
but parasiting yours
i forgot to love others as well in live. parents. brothers. friends.
i never tot that i would have this much of capacity to learn
in loving ppl around me to speak up.
to talk to strangers that i met.
to present myself again.. and me alone.
to travel to places with my own capability.
knowing which station of lrt to walk out from the train
instead of waiting for your signal
knowing how much it would costs for tickets from wangsa maju to klcc? taman jaya? kelana?
learning how to stop a taxi.. to initiate question,
to pay for the ride? all by my own.
i've long lost these capabilities..

til i forgot to self-empower.
to grow.
to live..
independently.
because..

you love me... so much:)

too much that im so into it...
so into your protections
till i lost my courage to walk alone in streets..
i lost the feeling of being .. my own.
and your love. unconditional. ever-flowing.
i took it for granted..

there comes my criticism.. expectations.. unsatisfactory.
i forgot to cherish you forgot to cherish your love.
and forgot to love myself as well.

damn what would it takes to find myself back?

wil i forever loses your love ?

but what m i to hold you back now,
when ther is no faith in myself?
when ther is so much of uncertainties.. doubts.. weakness

who says letting go is easy?



for the one i love/loved deeply with my heart, body, and soul.,

thank you...

ET

i woke up so damn early these 3 days.. 6am.nop 6.15am> 6.30am...cos i put my alarm in snooze mode..:)took lrt and then taxi ..course starts at 9am-5pm...after that. went home. dinner. kepoh.. sleep..





what?


har?



oh... more elaboration ?



alright alright...



in lrt

if any of us have had this experience before, need i say more?
but for those who never specticulate how human can actually squeeze themselves in different forms just to get themselves into the train..and here u can see the closest distance.. an invisible bond for human being.. for that 1 hour.. i get to smell all sorts of underarms of different ages. races. sexes.different scents..
i dont mind if someone using dkny-bedelicious or paco rabance-ultraviolet.. or tommy hilfiger-true star..... but always, that's not the case.. often some cheap "minyak wangi de toilett" haha.. cause migraine summore.. haha..
and at most times.. ppl dont get to get into the train because there aint any spaces left inside the train..so... there are also times when there is too many ppl coming out from the train... leaving more spaces in the train ( sounds like good news right?) BUT then because the great number of ppl coming out of the train also took a great number of time in doing so... thus before ppl from outside can happily get into the train to fill in the spaces inside the train.. the door..CLOSED. ..
to put it short... PACKED.

TAXI

if u know me well. u would remember that it's one of my fear to take taxi ride.
haha.. thanks to my parents' advice, and the newpaper.. and many forward-mail. haha.. whenever im in a taxi. can stop thinkin what bad things would the driver do to me. haih.. but luckily it's not too long a distance from taman jaya lrt station to agape counselling centre. and it costs me rm 5.30 or rm 4.50 or somewhere in between for the ride.


ohya..
that leads me to talk about agape counselling centre

THE CENTRE

so. this is the place i was assigned to for my previous internship.
cool place. from there i knew about this EXPRESSIVE THERAPY.. so due to my passion and believe in it's effectiveness... i took the course conducted in conjuction with EXPRESSIVE THERAPIES INSTITUTE OF AUSTRALIA by director and founder of the therapy, MARK PEARSON.

it consists 5 3-days module spread over a year.
so total up is 15 days to get me a therapist certificate. sounds cool?
haha

so what is this course all about.
?

symbolworks.
drawings,
art,
musics,
bio-energetics.

to aid client so release their emotional concerns, unfinished business, inner conflict, happy recollections.
usually ppl always think that those who went for psychotherapy or counselling must be someway insane? having problems? depressed? weak? insufficient?

ha...
that's the common misperception la.
though most ppl also come for therapy in search of help in some kind. they can also get the chance to learn more about themselves.. their own strengths.. and perhaps discover some unknown talents? and potential?

nice.


during the course.
there are many breaks.. tea breaks together with kuih" and some desserts..
opps.. nop .. what i mean is.. during the course
many things were taught.

how to handle traumatic clients?
exploring family issues which is damn important in shaping a person's personality and directions in actions. etc. as well as
relaxation techniques. and self explorations. etc.

Mark share some of his cases with us as well as inviting us to experience ourselves the content and activities of the therapy.. which at first was kinda embarassing but in the end... FUN FUN FUN

well. to me , he is a great trainer, who have a great capacity to love and care and accept others. :) appreciate so much when he did wrote me a recommendation letter for my future use :D

during some roleplay and sharing session.. i did release some of my worries and sad emotions through some symbolworks.. i gained some strength to somehow do somethin about this negative part of me. and also gained some courage and faith in myself to really step forward to settle some conflicting issues and as well making tough decisions.. i know i need to move on. but im scared too.. and acknowledgin that fear and doubt inside me is already a step forward.

thus,

i've made some decision...tough decision in my life.
and learn to ...let go.







ps. i'll talk more about this emotional release/expressive therapies if anyone of you are interested. leave me a message in comments column.. or if anyone feels like want to try it out.. dont hesitate to contact me.. i can assure u it is safe and non threatening.. u dont have to do things u feel uncomfortable with:) and there is no right or wrong in this therapy.. just be yourself.