grieving another lost of.....

it's been a long while i havent blog about some

not-so-sweet-things that happened to me.

my life has been great all these while.

this kind of feeling best metaphored by something

like this--->

"while im starting to masticate the sweetness of citrus,

i accidently bite on its bitter seeds..and the taste of it all went wrong

in that spur of moment."

i am totally devastated these days.

misplacing something i shouldnt have lost,

something indispensable.

something vital

something exigent.

or whatever you called it urgent.

i searched and hunted all over the place but to no avail.

tears and grumble, comfort of love ones were of no help

in easing the pain and guilt i have now.

that thing was so damn important to me.

or, i should say to everyone else especially to me.

i need it urgently.

really (teeth grinding~~~)

can my prayers be heard and thus find back that precious thing?

i dreamt of it for several nights.

i thought.. it should be somewhere here,

no.. it should be placed there...im not sure.

my nerves already got my brain, to create certain

unwanted illusions, false memories related to that thing.

m losing my sanity... i suppose.

is the power of "the law of attraction" omnipotent enough to bring

back that lost object of mine?

sorry to those who care.

it's not that i dont want to stand up again on my feet

and move on instead of squatting on the same position i fell,

mourning, and groaning about the lost and pain i had.

it's just that..

it's not easy for me.

it's not easy to be.. me.