letting go

it's been about 2 years we're together.
we love each other deeply. and stil do:) i talked to you that night. many things that was previously deep inside..
the next day. we talked about letting go.
i stil love your smile. warm hug of yours.
the way u care and pampered me
your eyes ya naggin about
"can you pls take off your contact lenses after a long day of wearing it?
your tenderness your strength your faith.
the way u kiss my forehead each night before i went to bed.
the soft whisper near my ears breakfast
with eggs with broken yolks, sandwiches, hotdogs,
serving hot for me every morning prepared by you
times that u've accompanied me through everything i do
u travelled with me. detouring.
things u've bought for me
even when u can have it for you own expenditure stuffs that u did secretly in aiding me..
etc. .. .
......... ........
.......... ..........
.....
your loyalty
the beauty in me that you've always sees..
patience through all my mistakes and dispositions
capacity for my harsh rude words and criticism..
etc.


who says letting go is easy?


but

darl,

i need time to grow.
i need space to grow.
it's been a long while i havent really "live" my own life
but parasiting yours
i forgot to love others as well in live. parents. brothers. friends.
i never tot that i would have this much of capacity to learn
in loving ppl around me to speak up.
to talk to strangers that i met.
to present myself again.. and me alone.
to travel to places with my own capability.
knowing which station of lrt to walk out from the train
instead of waiting for your signal
knowing how much it would costs for tickets from wangsa maju to klcc? taman jaya? kelana?
learning how to stop a taxi.. to initiate question,
to pay for the ride? all by my own.
i've long lost these capabilities..

til i forgot to self-empower.
to grow.
to live..
independently.
because..

you love me... so much:)

too much that im so into it...
so into your protections
till i lost my courage to walk alone in streets..
i lost the feeling of being .. my own.
and your love. unconditional. ever-flowing.
i took it for granted..

there comes my criticism.. expectations.. unsatisfactory.
i forgot to cherish you forgot to cherish your love.
and forgot to love myself as well.

damn what would it takes to find myself back?

wil i forever loses your love ?

but what m i to hold you back now,
when ther is no faith in myself?
when ther is so much of uncertainties.. doubts.. weakness

who says letting go is easy?



for the one i love/loved deeply with my heart, body, and soul.,

thank you...