it's gettin harder for me to find someone real.
especially when authenticity has not been valued in recent days.
there's not much chances of getting close to someone,
when conveniency is becoming over-valued by almost all parties.
seems like no one like to lose anything for a relationship.
reciprocity has been down played.
but, do friendship really involve reciprocity?
or in other words, is reciprocity really a necessity in a relationship?
like, do i need to do something 1st, to be 'classified' to become your friend?
or does it automatically upgrade on itself without any pre-requisites and qualifications?
last weekend in my house, i've did something strange yet interesting. very touched at the same time... it's like i found me again.
i read my old diaries.. diaries i used to write when i was in high school ( when i like someone, i mean someoneS )
inside those beautiful pages, and my infantile handwritting (doesnt change much from then til now)... i found true friendship.
a long lost feeling of how friendship really means to me.
sometimes i told yao.
i really dunno how to make friends.
when i mentioned friends. it's not activity partners.
it's someone you know you can call when you feel like talking to.
or someone you can cry on and doesnt need to pretend that you're okay
when you're not okay.
someone who acknowledge you as a special one for him/her like how you acknowledge him/her as your special one.
i miss those pure pure friendship back in those days.
when everyone is genuine and true.
when there's no advantages to be taken from anyone
and when there's no friendship to be taken for granted.
it's pure laughter, tears, support, and hanging out.
being comfortable of being yourself.
and being comfortable of being loved by others.
i miss all those.
i cherish all those.
i miss you, ching lee.
miss those days when i know even the whole world doesnt believe me, you will be there standing for me.
no jealousy for my triumph,
no negligence for my needs,
no distance when i reach out for you,
no double message when we talk to each another,
no guilt of not being a miss goody goody in front of ya,
no need to not be someone else but myself.
all through these years when you are far in your own world,
i will bless you in my dreams and pray for you from here.
i dont need to have you here.
cos you're already in my heart, filled up all those precious memories of mine.
if there's really an "end" in friendship.
perhaps we're not friends,
oki. at the same time searching for bff also..someone whom i can comfortably gets bitchy ( in a true and fun way ) with together, anyone wanna apply for vacancies? only for single-face ppl.
no fake voice, no fake responses, no selfish ppl who only care bout their own benefits, no leeches or parasites, no green-eye monsters, i think that's all.
dont get me wrong,
I STILL HAVE ( proud to have) a number of besties in my humble life.
dont really have to introduce one by one. you guys/gals know better yourself who i mean :)
yesh.. you guys..
never fail to make me laugh. never fail to brighten my days:)
oh. yao not counted.
cos he's full-time my man and full-time best friend and full-time-hubby.